I Had a Dream About You Last Night
I had a dream about you last night.
I hadn’t thought about you in so long I was almost positive your shadow had finally run away.
Apparently not.
When I dreamt of you, your face was golden and your smiles bounced across the room like streams of light dancing through dusty window panes. They were smiles of what could be–what could have been.
Dreams have a way of doing that, you know. Warping memories and reality into little woven tapestries of desire.
There were no lines on your face. There was no sadness in your soul. Your laughter echoed through the world my sleeping mind had created like a sweet song that woke me up after a century of sleep. I was energized and alive. I felt whole again for the first time in years.
But even dreams have a way of breaking naïvety with little nudges of truth.
Although we were together, you were with her. The sweet happiness that dripped over me like honey slowly turned to sweet sorrow nestled deep into my stomach weighing me down as if I had just swallowed a boulder.
We were together, but you were with her.
The reality of everything began to creep up on me as the dream played on and your golden face turned to crimson darkness like the sun when it sinks into the sea.
I was no longer basking in a golden summer. Instead I stood on the frozen ground of broken dreams and hollow hearts.
When I woke I closed my eyes so tight my head began to spin. I wanted nothing more than to jump back into the world inside my head because when I’m there, there’s a possibility that you might be there too. And that’s better than a world in which I will never see you again.
I never thought anyone could do that to me. But you have. You’ve completely crumbled me and I’ve spent years trying to put myself together again. But those years will turn into decades and with every brick cemented together and every piece put back into place there will be a whisper of you. I’ll never escape it.
So instead I’ll hang on to the hopes inside sleeping stories written behind closed eyelids. And for just a moment, your golden face will smile at me again.
December, 2014