I Love Her Sideways

I love her sideways

I do all the wrong things before I do the right things

And I know the right things—I think.

All the things.

Do the things.

But I don’t and I can’t.

I’m stuck.

Like my body is a freight train with too much weight

The coal in my furnace is running low and the tracks beneath my wheels lay un-oiled and rusted.

I feel like I was born inside out and upside down

Feet not on the ground but with a head too heavy to float away.

So I remain here, stunted and hovering like a sad balloon that has been forgotten in the hallway after a party

Waiting for something to happen.

Tomorrow will be better.

I will be better.

After all, I’ve got a heart full of gold and more love than I know what to do with.

But that doesn’t mean anything with a head full of lead.

I’m the lead head lady and love isn’t enough in this world of dread.

So I’ll just keep loving her sideways

Because that’s all I can do

And maybe someday when she grows up,

She’ll understand

And she’ll love me too.

February, 2020